Falman Is Boring: The Musical
by The Mr. Clean Alchemist
Summary: Falman is boring. So what will we do to make him not boring? And why won't Hughes shut up?
1. Hughes Won't Shut Up

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, I don't own the musical 1776 (which has been made into a fantastic movie, as well, and I suggest you see it), and sorry to all the Falman fans out there, but yeah, Falman is boring. And I don't take complete crdit for the lyrics, because It's just a parody. It's meant as a joke. Don't sue/kill me. I was also too lazy to parody the whol song, so it's just most of it. XD. 

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Everyone always knew Falman was boring. But nobody ever bothered doing anything about it. They all figured it would pass over time. But 7 years had gone by since Falman had joined Colonel Mustang's little clique, and he still hadn't gotten any less annoyingly formal ALL THE TIME.

One day, Falman called in sick. On that day, Mustang, Hawkeye, Havoc, Fuery, Hughes (A/N: YES HE'S ALIVE! HUGHES OWNS!), and Breda all took the opportunity to discuss Falman, how boring he was, and how to fix it.

"I think I know how to make him not boring!" Hughes said suddenly.

"What?" everybody asked, though they could guess what was comeing next.

"A PICTURE OF ELICIA!" He shouted. Everyone groaned, and everyone but Hughes started singing a song to the tune of 'Sit Down, John' fron 1776.

_Everyone:  
"Shove it, Hughes, Shove it, Hughes,  
for God's sake, Hughes, shut up!  
Shove it, Hughes, shove it, Hughes, For God's sake, Hughes, Shut up!"_

_Roy: "I think I'd oughta burn that stupid picture!"_

_Everyone:  
"Yes, she is cute.  
Have Mercy, Hughes please.  
Gracia's hot as hell! Now shut the hell!  
Up!"_

_Riza:  
"I am gonna shoot whoever started this!"_

_Roy sweatdropped._

_Hughes: "I say look at her, look at her,  
Look at Elicia!"_

_Roy:  
"I'm gonna burn that stupid picture!"_

_Hughes:  
"I say look at her!"_

_Everyone:  
"Shut up, Hughes!"_

_Hughes:  
"Look at Elicia!"_

_Roy:  
"I'm gonna burn the stupid picture!"_

_Hughes:  
"No, no, no!"_

_Everybody:  
"So many pictures, So many pictures,  
She hot as hell! So Shut the hell, up!"_

_Roy:  
"I oughta burn that stupid picture!"_

_Hughes:  
"Can't we compromise here?"_

_Roy:  
"NO!"_

"Aww. You guys are no fun." Said Hughes.

Roy groaned, "You're hopeless."


	2. That's Just Nasty

_**See first chapter for disclaimer. Forgive Falman's OOC-ness, but I thought of this in the shower and it made me drop my shampoo on my foot. Do you really want all that pain to be for nothing? **_

_**And I don't own 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson.

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**_

It was a day after Hughes wouldn't shut up. Actually, Hughes still wouldn't shut up, but that wasn't the point. The point was, you guessed it, FALMAN WAS STILL BORING.

For some reason (perhaps because this is a fanfic and fanfics are weird like that), Hawkeye, Havoc, and everyone else in Roy's crew but Falman and Hughes were out sick. Hughes was fangirling over his family with General Grumman, who was fangirling over Riza. Thus, Falman was forced to give roy his paperwork because Roy couldn't get it himself, as he was lazy and also buried under 486739857 pounds of it already.

"Sir, here's your paperwork." The old man said to the colonel, setting down a small stack of paper on top of the other paper on Roy's desk. It pissed Roy off, because we all know he hates him some paperwork.

"Falman, go screw Shezka." Mustang muttered, signing a paper sloppily.

"Up the ass, sir?" Watteau asked formally. There was no hiding the disturbed, disgusted look on Roy's face.

"…As you…see fit."

"Up the ass it is, then." Falman saluted and marched out.

The thought of Falman and Shezka doing 'that thing' was too much, even for Roy. It was enough to make even a nonbeleiver such as himself to crawl under his desk in the fetal position and scream,

"…LORD ALMIGHTY, THE IMAGES!"

Suddenly, all of the crew that had been sick burst into the room in song.

"_Seems like just yesterday  
He was a normal guy  
He used to be okay  
He used to just be boring  
His hair, it might be gray  
The thing is, he could be gay  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now Roy can't breathe  
No, Roy can't sleep  
He's barely hanging on_

_There he is, under his desk  
He's torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought he wasn't wrong  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears he cries  
He's hiding under his desk_!"

Roy stood up and veinpopped. "Gee. Thanks."

They replied in unison with a cough and fell on the floor in a pile of sickness.

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_**Yup, another chapter from Ari, tall queen of short chapters.**_


End file.
